That all-important decision

I know it was a difficult one for most of you... I'm lucky because this year's decision was an easier one than last year's! I guess that last year's traumatic move from Kamo to Niitsu was a blessing in disguise! At the time it felt like the worst possible punishment... I had my usual dramatic "WHY ME?" victim thing going on! And hell, moving is difficult at the best of times, it's so much worse in a country where you cannot communicate with anybody and vice versa! I mean my limited Japanese and expansive body language could only take me so far... anyway I eventually overcame all obstacles with the help of some pretty amazing people, friends and colleagues alike! I can't say it's been smooth sailing, but I'm truly happy to be in Niitsu! It feels like home! I suppose that this being my first year in Niitsu was a great contributor to my decision to stay! If I'd had to stay a third year in Kamo, I may have had serious reservations! I can only hope that I won't be moved again, because I honestly don't think I have the fortitude for that!!

I was thinking about it and wondering why it was so easy for me to make this decision yet so very difficult for others! It always seemed pretty clear that a third year was the only viable option for me! I have no clear idea what I want to do once I get back, just some vague notion of wanting to continue travelling and that doesn't really make me over-eager to return home, where travelling costs so much more! Also I did not want to find myself unemployed and depressed knowing that I could have stayed a third year and been earning money! I've also always been a great believer in finishing what I started and I feel that a third year would be the logical conclusion to my stint as an ALT. All of those, while practical, are pretty shallow reasons to stay! I think the truth dawned on me yesterday, on my way back from Murakami...

The reason my decision feels right, why I haven't been second guessing myself at all, is because I still get a total thrill out of being here! I have the usual "I hate Japan and everything about it days", but those days are usually few and far between (well okay, honestly, sometimes they can drag on... but I think that's mostly related to the shite weather!!)! I like knowing random facts about Japan like Pachinko, print club, nomihodai and nattou... I mean WHO KNEW?! I honestly don't think I'd stay after my third year! There are too many other countries I'd like to see, but I don't think I've really scraped the surface of Japanese life yet! I haven't seen enough places, I haven't met enough people, I haven't taken full advantage of my time here yet! So I eagerly anticipate my third year in Japan!!

It's going to be a lonely one, because the people I feel closest to are leaving. I have no doubt that I'll make more friends (or maybe not, who knows), but those I confide in, those I've considered my sisters are going home! They have no clue how much I'll miss them or how much they mean to me! But I'm sure they made the right decision for them... I just wish it wasn't so difficult to accept!

I'm sure I'll see them again. But I doubt it'll be the same! Japan is so insular that the bonds we forge here stem from the fact that we're so different from everyone else! Back home, we have our families, other friends, a support system... here we ARE the family, the friends and the support systems! It's a pretty confusing time for me right now, as I'm sure it is for a lot of people! Here's hoping the confusion passes quickly, so that I can get back to enjoying the next few months with some of the best friends I've ever had!