Why I love the Cleanest Little Town in Texas...

Those of you who know my good friend Johanna will have heard of her home town Shiner, Texas. I don't know why but whenever she spoke of it, it simply came alive for me, her stories of small town life fired my imagination and I have wanted to visit it since I first heard her speak so fondly of it(well, sometimes, not-so-fondly). I suppose being from a relatively large city, I wanted to experience small town life for myself… the grass is always greener and all that. When Johanna returned to the States two years ago, I warned her that I would be coming for a visit and that she would have to take me to Shiner when I did (she now lives in New Orleans). This past winter (summer for those of you in SA), I finally got the opportunity to visit Hanna-chan. The plan was to spend Christmas week in Shiner and New Year's in New Orleans.

I arrived in New Orleans at 2:30 in the morning after a SIX hour delay at snowy Newark airport… those six hours were spent on a PLANE – waiting for the damned thing to be de-iced! Meh… the only thing that made the wait bearable was the lovely couple sitting next to me! We had a blast chatting and getting to know one another and I promised to meet them for drinks when I was back in New Orleans. Never got round to that, sadly. Anyway I was too wiped out to actually be excited about finally arriving. Johanna dragged me out of bed at some ungodly hour the following morning (it was before twelve) telling me it was for my own good and that it would help me with the jetlag. We spent much of that day roaming around the French Quarter (seriously, even now that Saturday remains a haze in my memory… I was pretty out of it), while I marveled at how cheap things were and how guys were very vocal about the fact that they liked my butt (kind of nice after years of feeling inadequate and whale-like in Japan). It was a lovely, leisurely first day… not too stressful. I discovered the Wal-Mart (to Kristen H's disgust I took to it like a duck to water) and had a blast at the Bath and Bodyworks where EVERYTHING was on sale… woooooot! I have soooooooo much nice smelling stuff now.

The following day we, Johanna, her antisocial cat, Draco (he's okay for a cat. A bit bipolar… with the occasional murderous tendencies, but a good cat to have in a car) and I, set off for Texas. I was pretty excited – it was an 8 hour drive on the highway and while the scenery wasn't all that interesting (it never is when you're on a highway), I still found it fascinating… I craned my neck to catch glimpses of the bayou as we whizzed by while getting acquainted with the current top 20 (cos we had local radio stations playing) – seriously… I HATE that stupid Beyonce song (Put a ring on it) and don't even get me STARTED on Akon's infantile "I wanna make love (nananana… eeeeeeeek!)". Finally… after hours and hours of driving (we stopped occasionally) we got off the I-10 and drove through a few teeny little towns until we hit Shiner (yay)…

It was quite dark when we arrived but we could see her parents' Christmas lights from quite far away. I didn't know what to expect but the warm welcome I received from Ron, Faith (Johanna's parents) and Nolan (J's brother who arrived a few days later), Chewy, Mysi, Baby (the dogs) and to a lesser extent Pumpkin, Gypsy and Tinker (the cats who were all stressed out because Draco was back to torment them) was entirely unanticipated. I was overwhelmed by the genuine warmth and hospitality I received from Johanna's parents. I see now where she gets it from. What lovely people the Darileks are…

So what can I say about Shiner? Well, let's see… for a small town it's got a LOT going for it. I think the Darileks were worried that I'd be bored… but if there's one thing they know about me now it's that I am easily entertained! Everything was new and exciting for me and no detail was too small or mundane for me (I mean I was excited when I woke up on my first morning there and saw COWS when I looked out my bedroom window!! I've seen cows before, of course, but these were like RIGHT THERE – waiting to be petted – I didn't get to pet them though – woe. They're not very friendly cows; they wouldn't even come when I tried to feed them). I loved every second of my time spent in Shiner and I must say that the town and its people have stolen a great, big chunk of my heart.

Shiner is famous for its beer. The Spoetzl Brewery (celebrates its centennial anniversary this year and I JUST missed out on taste testing the Shiner 100. Darn it!) is a must-see. We visited three days in a row and the only reason we didn't go more often was because they closed for Christmas and wouldn't reopen again until after Johanna and I had left for New Orleans, alas! The beer was really starting to grow on me… and if you know me at all, you'll know I'm not a beer drinker. But since they offer four free sample cups on every visit, there's no way I could avoid drinking it. And by the end of my stay I could even tell the difference between the Blonde, the Bock and the Hefeweizen. Just colour me a connoisseur now, people! I went on a Brewery tour and while I'm still a bit dodgy on the inner workings of a brewery, I at least got to see the pretty copper pots and the beer bottling area (cool)! I also bought loads of coasters (which are going down quite well in the omiyage area) and other stuff from the gift shop.

I did a LOT of shopping in Texas actually… Johanna, Faith and I went on quite a few shopping trips – during which time I managed to get some new clothes, underwear and BOOKS!! It was fabulous browsing around bookshops again… one of the things I miss the most in Japan.

If I had to list every single moment of my time in Shiner, I doubt this post would ever end, so I'll break it down for y'all.

Things-to-do-when-you're-in-Shiner (in no particular order):

1. Visit the Brewery

2. Visit Welhausen Park

3. Pet a horse

4. Visit the Brewery again…

5. Go on a 'Gator ride around the countryside

6. Break into the Old School for souvenirs

7. Break into a lovely old man's house and steal his chairs

8. Replace aforementioned chairs with spiffy new ones

9. Move aforementioned old chairs to another surprise location.

10. Touch a dead deer's head (and try not to shudder while doing it)

11. Try to find a trailer park and take pictures of it before anybody can catch sight of you

12. Fire a gun

13. Insert yourself into a nativity scene (if you're there at Christmas) to get that perfect picture

14. Visit the Brewery man, the beer's free.

15. Try to feed some cows…

16. Go to a barbecue (the steaks are huge and the people are fun)

17. Go and check out the Christmas lights if you're lucky enough to be there in December.

18. I hear Kloesels is nice but I didn't get to visit it.

19. I hear 10^th Inning is… uhm… interesting… I really wanted to visit it but Johanna said, "over my dead BODY" (or the equivalent thereof! Something about going braless…)

20. Check out Patek's Grocery Store (they have salt and vinegar chips!!!)

21. Get a photo of the one traffic light!

22. Check out the Municipal Park

23. Learn the Texas two step

24. Take a drive out to Scooters in the neighbouring town of Moulton and try their awesome frozen margaritas.

25. Touch a dead catfish head.

25. Go the Drive-In (another first for me).

26. Unintentionally moon some poor unsuspecting fella in the men's bathroom at the drive-in (I'd forgotten that until now! I think I blocked it from my memory. The lady's room was occupied and I snuck into the men's room. I am QUITE sure I locked the door… but as I was finishing up and pulling up m'knickers, the door opened and I screamed bloody murder, while the poor cowboy type dude at the door managed to keep from screaming bloody murder too and scrambled to safety with a few apologies. Man I ducked out of there so fast and then hid away in the car for the rest of the night! Faith tried to coax me out to take some pics but I was too embarrassed and afraid that I would see him again!! Not cool… cringing even now as I think about it! That poor guy…)

27. Get a cowboy hat from Beran's – so that you can blend in! Luckily I also got a Texas football t-shirt as one of my Christmas presents from Ron and Faith – which, combined with the hat, made me look like a local (for real, y'all!)

I did lots of other fantastic things! Christmas was great. The Darilek side of the family tried to teach me how to fire a gun in the morning (yeehaw! I sucked at it though) and we also tried to feed the cows. They (the Darileks, not the cows) were loads of fun and made me feel like part of the family. The Chumchal's (Johanna's mum's side of the family) afternoon Christmas visit was a little noisier for sure, because there are loads and loads of kids on that side of the family. They were very excited about all the gifts they had to unwrap. Every so often we (Jo, Faith and I) would surreptitiously sneak off for a breather in a quiet, child-free zone. Even the poor dogs were starting to look a bit wilted by the end of it all. Still it was great… the food was AWESOME… I now wish I'd eaten more (isn't that always the case?). I still long for that peppermint fudge that I got only a taste of. Sighhhhh. I must say, that's the drunkest I've ever been on Christmas. I thank Johanna's wildly alcoholic Hurricanes for that (plus the jello shots we had before twelve that morning!). It will go down as one of my more memorable Christmases and I thank the Darileks and Chumchals for making me feel so much a part of things… I was even asked if I'd make it an annual event. I promised to be back for Hanna-chan's wedding (no pressure, J :P)

The Darileks

The Chumchals

I also managed to make a quick call home to my own loved ones… and I was happy to hear my mother's voice on Christmas day. By that time, they (the Anders fam) had finished their own Christmas lunch and were all having a relaxing afternoon siesta. Apparently it was too hot too move… *envy*!

All in all… my week in Shiner, Texas was eventful, fun and NEVER dull. I would love to visit again… like I said before, it stole a huge piece of my heart but I think the main reason it made such an impact was because of the people I met. Johanna, Faith, Ron and Nolan, the other Darileks and the Chumchals (Fred and Virgie especially) thank you for making me feel so welcome… I will never forget you and I will cherish the memory of my visit to your wonderful hometown forever. Peace and love to you always.